Tag Archives: mullah

Monsters: The Sequel

I heard another story today so I thought I’d post it. This one is about my dad. Now he’s sixty six years old and has a nice little goatee. He likes his little goatee. Nobody has ever had a problem with it. But a few days ago, on a street in Islamabad, somebody didn’t like his goatee. And yeah, you’ve guessed right: it was a bearded (shalwar up to his chest) gentleman (monster/closet taliban).

Now this is how the story goes. My dad was buying something (they always get you when you’re exposed, trying to gratify your consumerism) and up comes a Beard with an attitude. The Beard pokes my dad (on the shoulder, all you dirty minded freaks!) and goes: Your beard is all wrong. Your beard is haram. The right beard is this (pointing at the giant bush on his face) and it is halal. And then he scowls menacingly and says: You should grow a halal beard.

Yes. This actually happened. Ofcourse my dad told him to shove it. Actually, he told the Beard what havoc he would wreck to his nether regions in much detail if he didn’t shut up and run away. And the Beard ran off (like a little girl). But again, what the hell is going on here? Was the Beard excited by my senior citizen dad’s goatee? Or is the world really going insane?

I didn’t even know beards could be halal or haram. First the shorts and now the beards. What next?

Monster

This post isn’t about aunties for a change. Oh no. This one is about mullahs, which are another kind of monster in these here parts. Or maybe all over the world. They are a virulent disease (much like aunties) and yes, I don’t like them very much. All that said and done, I might as well get on with it.

A very good friend of mine told me about his encounter with a mullah-type today. He was buying shoes for his 3 year old neice (my friend, that is) and he noticed this bearded, shalwar up to his neck (you get the picture) kinda guy staring at him. Now my friend is hardly an innocent but he believed it was a shop attendant attending. So he asked him very nicely: do you work here. The beard goes, uh no. So my friend politely apologized and moved on. But then the beard goes up to him and rudely says: you thought I was a shop attendant because I am not wearing those shorts like yourself. And he glared at his shorts. And then proceeded to say other rude (shorts related) things. This is harrassment people. And it’s ugly.

So, my friend spoke his mind to the beard. And no, he wasn’t polite. The best part was my friend telling him that since there is no sign in the shop that prohibits people to wear shorts, he can’t really make such a big fuss about it. And if the beard had problems with the shorts, maybe he should go convince the shop owner to put up a sign and really, if he still had issues, the beard could come outside and my friend could show him exactly how pissed off he was about the whole thing. Ofcourse the beard ran away. Like a scared little girl. Good work, my noble, honest friend. I am proud of you. And your shorts.

Now I realize I’m being completely intolerant here. I also realize I shouldn’t get so annoyed. Maybe I am going overboard with it. And I am politically incorrect, too. But you know what, I’ve had enough. I’m sick of their smug superiority and their self-righteousness. People have the right to live the way they want. If the beards and the burkas have this right, then so do the rest of us who wear shorts (among other sensible things).

It’s not just about clothes. It’s about what we believe. It’s about a lifestyle choice. I hear a lot of these stories. And they all piss me off. I rant about a need for tolerance when I have lost my ability to tolerate this disease. Shame on me. But I feel like I have no choice.

Isn’t this frightening? I feel we’re all turning into monsters.