Category Archives: Aunties

These Boots Are Made For Walking

Dada Giri (slang): bullying; pushing somebody around because you think you can; walking all over somebody.

Suffering from an acute sense of confusion and general embarrassment (the whole world is laughing and pointing fingers), I figured now is a good time to think about bullying. I googled dada giri and got some interesting results:

Well “dada” means elder brother and “Dadagiri” means exercising your rights as an elder brother but with a wrong sense. You force your juniors to listen to you and make them do whatever you feel like even if its wrong. And if they dont obey you, you simply punish them badly…!!

Emphasis on the exclamations! It sounds like the NCA (oh no, I’ve said it!) and most of the world, even.

Hit, beat, cheat or make pains to people; for money and other forms of profit. Demonstrate a power against a mass and loot them or produce a strong feeling of unsafe environment.

Uhm, yes. That sounds like the whole world.

I was bullied a lot (and still am to some extent since it seems to be the way of the world) and it’s not exactly fun. Being pushed around cannot be fun. It’s just in bad taste. A friend told me I was being a push-over when it came to somebody I care(d) about. And my brain tells me she is right. I don’t think I’m generally a doormat but in some situations I can be. Old habits die hard.

Somebody I care(d) about just ran away and has been denying communication. Everything in my stupid head tells me that reeks of abuse. I have a good heart (unreasonable, too, it seems) and I have forgiven such acts in the past. However, this time, it’s gone too far. I used to think I could forgive anything but I guess I was wrong. People can be abusive in so many ways. I have thought about this for the past 4 days. In silence.

I have always believed in common courtesy and I foolishly assumed that other people had similar inclinations. I have been proved wrong on various occasions but I never gave up on what I thought was goodness. Here, I confused myself. I have often confused myself with the noises that other people make in their heads. Being empathetic, I feel their pain and own it. Then I open the door to the blame-game which is form of bullying (usually I get bullied into some form of submission). This makes me wonder if I have masochistic tendencies. All of that aside, I forgive and forgive. But now I’m finding it harder to forget. Bullying is abusive. It is complete disregard of another person’s existence as a separate being with rights of their own.

I have also realized that such abuse stems from mental imbalance. But do I have to put up with it? Do I have to even be a part of it? My permissiveness just makes me party to it. I become the aggressor by allowing aggression. I’ve seen this happening to a lot of people. Are we naive and trusting or just plain stupid? Is it the Pakistani upbringing? Is it lack of self-esteem? So many questions arise but the truth remains the same: my friend ran out on me.

It hurts but it also makes me wonder why I am around such a person. A person who blames me for every failure of his own. A person who cannot come to terms with his own mistakes. A person who never apologizes or admits his mistakes. Being compassionate and eager to help/please makes me a prime target for such people. Their overestimation of themselves is justified. Their delusions are justified. And they have a convenient person to blame.

If I step back and look at it, I feel like a fool (emotional reaction) but I also see the need to back off (sensible reaction). This dichotomy is where the confusion begins. We are slaves to our minds and our hearts. When they say two different and opposing things, confusion is only natural. I’m not trying to justify my confusion. I’m just stating things as I see them right now.

People who commit such unforgivable acts of inconsideration have to be either completely selfish or completely stupid. They are bullies and I think they need counseling. But is that my problem? Am I out to save the whole world? That would be so ridiculous that it wouldn’t even be funny.

On a brighter note, I saw something absurd yesterday:

Aunties outside Masoom's Cafe. Coffee?

I think this one was looking for a nice spot to have a cigarette.

Sometimes, you get to see the strangest things in Islamabad that really change your perspective on life. Such things also have the power to make the pain of living easier to endure.

Uncle-Aunty

In Rawalpindi (or Pindi) I see many exciting things besides the profound car-stickers and burning tires. The following is my latest discovery:

Huh?

What is that?

I was born and raised in Karachi and I’ve always lived in cities. I’m not very familiar with animals that have aunty-like asses stuck to their tails. I watched this animal closely – it looked like a cross between a dog, a goat and an aunty. But it had testicles so it must be an uncle instead. One couldn’t be sure. Maybe it was as uncle on his way to becoming an aunty.

Anyway, since I write commentaries on aunties often, this image seemed very relevant to my research on Pakistani Aunties (and now Uncles).

Auntie Wars

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

Auntie Wars

It is a period of civil war. Rebel art educators, striking from a
hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Administrative
Empire (or not).
During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the
Empire’s ultimate weapon, the Auntie Office Assistant, an armored weapon of mass destruction
with enough power to destroy an entire planet.
Pursued by the Empire’s sinister agents, the hopeless artist races home
in her second-hand car, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her
people and restore freedom to the government college…

Hopefully the John Williams soundtrack will accompany my escape from this auntie-infested hell. Unfortunately, I cannot leave until office hours are over. Yes folks, I’m back to auntie-bashing. And with good reason.

The above was written hastily in a moment of inspiration in my office. Now that I’m safely home, I can actually sigh with relief and get on with my post. Remember the office assistant from hell? The same creature has harrassed me to the point of no return. Here I was, braving my way through the education system of Pakistan and I get a gift from satan himself: an incompetent aunty and now, her side-kick. Yes, she has one of those too.

Incompetence:

  1. Lack of physical or intellectual ability or qualifications
  2. Inability of a part or organ to function properly

Yes. That organ would be her brain. And the other one probably lacks one altogether. I’m willing to overlook their ample presence, their four-inch heels, their oily smell…but I cannot overlook their sly incompetence. It annoys me beyond reason. I day-dream about knocking in their silly blank faces with a hammer. They get everything wrong and don’t bother to correct anything. Well, I’m done training these morons. I’d rather just teach the kids who are worth a hell of a lot more.

Sometimes I regret I took up administration with my teaching. But I’ve come to realize I didn’t have much of a choice. But now that I’m in it up to my eyeballs, I must get it right, see? And these moron aunties with their flowing dupattas can kiss my ass. I’m tempted to just back off and do nothing and see what happens. When things fall apart, it won’t really be my fault – but it will still be my fault in a way so I just cannot seem to let go.

If this is how government institutions are run, then we’re in a sorry state. As it is, there are too many aunties creeping around. A student of mine clarified their type – according to him, they’re the drop-the-file aunties. They drop files, bend down to pick them up and they get jobs. Harsh, I know. But I’m beginning to realize it might just be true. I’m involved in another endeavor coordinated by a drop-the-file aunty. And it hasn’t made my life easier in any way. Wherever I go, these aunties are there – lying in wait to make my life miserable.

As for my secret plan – well, I’m still working on it. I’m a lover, not a fighter – but what the hell, right?

Disclaimer: I mean no offence to women or to any other kind of human being. These aunties I write about aren’t human. They are scum.

Hot Pakistani Auntie Pics

Yeah. Finally.

Hot!

I have another angle too. I’m such a people pleaser. You want it, you got it!

Hot Booty!

Being such a generous soul, I couldn’t resist posting these pictures. I think I should start a wholehearted research on Pakistani Aunties and fulfil my life’s purpose. Then I can die happy.

Note: This might be an uncle but I wasn’t sure and for some, it doesn’t even matter!

The Auntie Bomb

Ok back to auntie bashing. I couldn’t help myself. Same shit, different day (yes, I adore Stephen King). For a while there, I was wallowing in self-indulgent introspection but how long can that last? I waited a while to get into this but shying away from what I can’t help doing seems retarded. And I need catharsis too, you know. I go to work everyday and I project this adult, reasonable personality that I can hardly relate to most of the time. It’s like an endless game of pretend and the side-effects of this game are not pretty. My brain feels like a puddle of – well, watery crap.

That said and done, I should get down to business. I accept it’s a small crime. And I’m not naming names – oh no, the name game never helps. Yeah. So there I was, minding my business (I try, I really do) and along comes an auntie and ruins everything. You know, some of them aren’t as bad as I used to think but some are just incorrigible.

It was a small issue. There was a sizable misunderstanding. But then it became personal and the whole world exploded. The story goes like this: she said and then she said and then both the shes (or maybe there were more than just those two) said some more and humpty dumpty was a broken egg-man. All in a days work, right? I’ve forgotten what the real issue was. And then there was the cat.

My friend and I share a cat. It lives in his house. But I claim it too. It’s one of those friendly things. A very friendly thing. Oh you know what I mean. We love that cat. He belonged to somebody else who didn’t want him anymore. A friend’s relative. Now that friend gave him to an auntie with a horrible set of kids who really wanted the cat. The equally horrible auntie (who didn’t even feed the cat right) eventually didn’t want the cat anymore. So my friend and I adopted the cat. Boring story, I know but it gets interesting.

This auntie now wants the cat back occassionally. How does that figure? Oh it doesn’t. My friend let her take him once and she sent him back with a bad case of tick fever. Poor cat almost died and had a thermometer shoved up his backside by the vet too. Besides, it cost a fortune to have him up and about again. So I don’t like this auntie.

She’s the same auntie at work who took a big dump on my head by really screwing things up. And I had to swallow my hatred of her ways and deal with it all. I don’t think anyone likes her and I cannot really disclose what really happened except that she screwed up big time and offended everyone. And yours truly had to pick up the pieces (with some help from some good friends who I love for their ability to swallow their own hatred of aunties) in the name of professionalism.

This woman is a selfish piece of donkey shit. She cares only about herself (and her ugly children maybe) and thinks she’s god’s own shit. A queen. As if her interminable BO wasn’t bad enough (yes folks, she stinks of onion sweat), she is always complaining about something. I’d love to kick her in the head. And she has no bathroom manners. She wafts in followed by her stink, and uses my office bathroom and makes such a mess that it isn’t funny anymore.

Sometimes I have no idea why I have to put up with people like her. And I have to show respect when all I want to do is run away screaming. But then again, nobody said it would be easy. Oh well.

Office Assistant from Hell

Deeply immersed within all the nine circles of suffering (allegorically) amidst aunties of the worst kind, now I am presented with yet another evil – the assistant from hell.

Now this woman is a true auntie (besides being a hellish being of monstrous proportions). She is overly endowed with ungainly flesh that wobbles its way into my space. Frankly, her presence itself makes me nauseous and slightly dizzy (considering the smell). Also, she is gifted with making people uncomfortable with her lurking – she lurks instead of merely being there. I don’t know how some people master this art of lurking in wide open spaces. In other words, she is an auntie from hell.

This particular monster has an appalling fashion sense that might appeal to a myopic, lecherous cab driver on Murree Road (you know, the kind that spits out of his window right into yours) with vulgarly transparent clothes on her excessive flesh, oily face and beady little eyes and those impossible heels. Gosh, those heels scare me a little. Ofcourse, she expects to sit in the office all day on her fat ass instead of actually doing her job which might even get her some excercise. Aside from the thrusting wobbly bosom (which probably got her the job in the first place, in my humble opinion), the stink and the excessive oil on her, she truly belongs in the Pakistani Auntie Hall of Fame as one hell of a good example of paindu auntie.

I fail to understand how such people get hired to communicate when they can barely manage decent speech. And the attitude that goes with her bizarre appearance makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. She thinks she owns the place and has been attempting to boss yours truly. Now, I don’t take that too well – especially from a two-bit, almost illiterate monster from auntie hell who used her balloon breasts to get a job. Of course I sort of approved her appointment because I really didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. But Ms. Balloon Breasts will get an ass-kicking she hasn’t dreamt of in her oily little brain.

Maybe it isn’t even worth it. I mean she hasn’t heard of the spell-check that MS Word does automatically. Also she has strange ideas about toilet paper that are truly unprintable. Sigh. Just my luck.

PS:

These are terms people used to find your site.

Search Views
desi aunty showing ass 1

See what I mean?

Sigh – Another Auntie Post

I was looking through my blog statistics and I realized that people are unreasonably obsessed with aunties in/from Pakistan. The following table illustrates that curious obsession:

Search Views
aunties unlimited 107
http://aunties.unlimited.wordpress.com 18
unlimited aunties 18
auntiesunlimited 16
pakistan aunties 14
pakistani aunties 10
aunties-unlimited 8
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aunties.unlimited.wordpress.com 7
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pakistani aunties photos 7
pakistani aunty showing everything 7
aunties unlimited blogspot 5
aunties unlimited.com 4
art ka pakistan 4
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aunties 4
aunty unlimited 3
anties unlimited 3
aunties. unlimited wordpress 3
aunties-unlimites 2
anties.unlimited.wordpress.com 2
pakestani aunties 2
un limited aunties 2
aunties.unlimited.wordpress 2
pakistan aunty 2
mens shoddy shoes 2
pakistani aunty photos 2
pakistani art 2
http://www.aunties.unlimited.wordpress.com 2
auntes unlimited 2
aunties in pakistan 2
pakistani aunty ka number 2
pierced perception rohtas 2 2
unlimited auntess.worldpress 2
pakistani desi aunty panters photos 1
arjumand faisel 1
aunties.unlimited.wordpres 1
http://www.auntiesunlimited.wordpress.com 1
paki aunties-unlimited blogspot 1
unlimited aunties.com 1
what does art ka mean 1
auntiesunlimited.wordpress.com 1
pakistani aunties unlimited 1
“fair and lovely” 1
auntys aunlimited 1
auntiesunlimeted 1
pakistani artwork 1
auntiy anlimitad 1

There is a lonely little “fair and lovely” in there too (of course) which only adds to my amusement. Apparently, these search terms led to my blog (I think). Why would they lead to my blog, though? As an auntie would say, it’s probably fate. Weird karmic justice. Like my new assistant. Definitely an auntie and fate’s slap on my smug little face. I cannot get away so easily when I bitch out them shiny aunties with their ample bosoms and more than ample behinds. More to hate, I guess.