Girl Talk

“I hate people who must blame the victim, who have to have a reason to blame everything on somebody, like everyone is accountable for whatever happens to them – like karma. Karma was invented to keep the miserable in a position of acceptance.” – Karen Finley

Love Me

Haven’t we all heard from (so called) wise sages that it gets very lonely at the top? Yes, we have been told that since we can remember. but those wise people forgot to mention that it can get very dirty at the top as well. Yes. Literally dirty. Maybe I should explain.

So I finally ended up with the much awaited tenure. And I happen to be one of the only two to get that raise in pay-scale (and it’s a very significant raise) and of course, everything (and everyONE) went bonkers after that. I didn’t think it would cause such mayhem. Both of us are:

1. Young women.

2. Competent.

3. Intelligent.

4. Educated.

5. Badass.

6. Young women.

7. Young women.

Yes. We’re young and we’re women. And we kicked everyone’s ass I suppose. That’s never a good thing around here. So, somebody comes and stuffs litter through the bottom of my office door while I was happily teaching my class in a studio upstairs. Now, there isn’t a lot of space down there so I’m still trying to figure out how they managed. And why would they do such a bizarre thing in the first place? There are other options. They could pass catty remarks while passing me in the corridors. They could use clever double entendres in conversations. They could stick out their tongues. I can think of so many things they could do. Oh and of course, they could stab me in the back. But this litter business is beyond me. Also, somebody stole a gift that somebody else sent for me. How rude.

But in the end, we make more money than them so they can all go and fuck themselves. Really.

Deep inside though, I feel terrible. I did my best and hoped for better. I worked like a mule. I gave my life to my work. I can’t help being this way. I didn’t hurt anyone or put anyone down. I was never catty or hateful. I just did my job and more. Is this guilt? I’m an aggressive woman. If pushed hard enough, I do tend to explode. Sigh. This isn’t even the top (I don’t think I want to climb a mountain or anything) and even then, it’s pretty damn lonely. Why must I look for affirmation from people who aren’t even worth thinking about? Old habits die hard. Old me dies harder.


16 responses to “Girl Talk

  1. The sage lied. The top has the happiness and the company, and its the bottom thats lonely.

  2. Lies, all lies I tell you. The bottom people know.

  3. Congratulations on your tenure! and your note was very sweet as well.

    Everyone else can just fuck off and been green with envy as green you are with the pay bump! technically, you can’t really be fired anymore, no?

    What kind of gift exactly? a cake?

    Don’t be sorry for your ambition. It rocks and it just shows that you are awesome!

    • Never saw the gift – it was stolen before I even saw it! Oh well.

      Thanks for the vote of confidence.

      • wtf, they stole your gift before you can even open it? I say you douse the office chai pot with laxatives.

      • Oh there’s no shared chai pot – we all have our own electric kettles (whenever we have electricity – a rare and precious resource these days) or we just order from the canteen (no free chai here, my friend). So your laxatives idea isn’t really going to work. But now I kind of know who took it – it was some staff with itchy fingers (they pick up anything left unattended) so its sad, really. I could do something nasty to them but that would make me mean because you don’t pick on lower staffy even if they steal your stuff because – well, it wouldn’t be fair.
        Yes – I have misguided (twisted) compassion for human beings.

  4. Congratulations for getting a raise, and I’m sorry to hear about the behavior of your co-workers. But remember, you worked hard, and you DID get a result, though some people are trying to get you down, it shouldn’t really matter to you, if they were people who were worth your time and attention then they wouldn’t behave this way. I think you should be apathetic towards their stupidity.
    Anywayz, cheer up! I’m sure a lot of people are happy for you! πŸ˜€

      • P.S.- I was that person who passed a rather racist remark about you on another person’s blog, and well, I’d just like to apologize to you about that, I guess I was just having a bad day, and decided to take the steam out on anyone I could find, I know that my reasoning doesn’t really justify anything, so I understand if you don’t want to forgive me…
        ..again, I am really sorry….. and nice blog.

  5. ConGraTuLations! , I couldn’t resist but comment that ur wonderful and highly sincere when it comes to your profession. U really own It .

  6. Pingback: Girl Talk | Tea Break

  7. which art school are you employed at? actually doesn’t matter. they all have the same shitty politics. thats why one has to really push through piles of shit to get somewhere. the only thing that should really matter is if you’re getting through to the students and if they’re hero-worshiping you already or not!
    welcome to your first victory. now sling some shit back.

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