As thesis time approaches (yet again), I can’t help thinking of when I was about to put up my BFA degree show all those years ago. It is an insane time, when the world is always on the brink of destruction and students are very sensitive (and on the brink of explosion) but you never really forget it and everyone I know tends to sigh a lot and get nostalgic when asked about their thesis. I just realized that most of the people I do know were either in art-school or are still in art-school. Our roles have changed but it’s the same thing over and over again.
So, while I was sighing and getting nostalgic, I started to look through my older work. Super-me was something I dug out from my old files. I found something else too – something unfinished and untitled. I remember working on it, struggling with a large canvas and not knowing what to do. This eventually led to better pictures but I just had to show it here:
I remember this being a particularly large canvas, with a larger than life figure on it. I couldn’t paint the model as he was (this was some strange compulsion I had in those years) so I painted him blue and bald and – well, strange. Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing and I never completed it. This painting is lost now. I don’t know what became of it.
I also remember thinking the face wasn’t too bad. I still think it’s alright.
Looking back, I frighten myself. But I remember the incredibly good feeling of struggling all the time. I struggled with working, with the materials, with myself…all the time. In the end, I turned out ok. My work turned out not so bad either. My life just got better and better. I think I am suddenly feeling very good about myself and I should have a cup of tea.