Monsters: The Sequel

I heard another story today so I thought I’d post it. This one is about my dad. Now he’s sixty six years old and has a nice little goatee. He likes his little goatee. Nobody has ever had a problem with it. But a few days ago, on a street in Islamabad, somebody didn’t like his goatee. And yeah, you’ve guessed right: it was a bearded (shalwar up to his chest) gentleman (monster/closet taliban).

Now this is how the story goes. My dad was buying something (they always get you when you’re exposed, trying to gratify your consumerism) and up comes a Beard with an attitude. The Beard pokes my dad (on the shoulder, all you dirty minded freaks!) and goes: Your beard is all wrong. Your beard is haram. The right beard is this (pointing at the giant bush on his face) and it is halal. And then he scowls menacingly and says: You should grow a halal beard.

Yes. This actually happened. Ofcourse my dad told him to shove it. Actually, he told the Beard what havoc he would wreck to his nether regions in much detail if he didn’t shut up and run away. And the Beard ran off (like a little girl). But again, what the hell is going on here? Was the Beard excited by my senior citizen dad’s goatee? Or is the world really going insane?

I didn’t even know beards could be halal or haram. First the shorts and now the beards. What next?

15 responses to “Monsters: The Sequel

  1. What is this! The manchurian mullah? Like they have been biding their time and now that it seems opportune, the sleeper agents are making their presence felt. I don’t remember Islamabad being like this.

    I have heard, of late, of random strangers walking up to Karachite women and lecturing them on religiosity- apparently as an excuse to talk to women they wouldn’t normally be able to.

    It makes sense to me that a beard, confused about his sexuality, would find a man wearing shorts sinfully enticing, and thus his shorts wearing, haraam. I have seen enough American news items about vocally anti-homosexual preachers later getting discovered as homosexual themselves to spot an underlying trend.

    This other dude, though- that tried to criticize your dad’s goatee – confuses me. Either the ‘Ullema’ have decided that it’s high time that their acolytes venture on to the streets to intimidate people in to submission or the taliban activity has emboldened closet-talibans to, independently, assert their beliefs. Or maybe, he just wants to show off his piety and religious ‘knowedge’ to someone he considers above his station, wanting a chance to lord over him for a change. Who knows? Disturbing though!

    • It’s absurd isn’t it? However, my friend and my dad weren’t frightened – just annoyed. That gives me hope. When they start frightening people, it will get real disturbing. I’m sure if a Beard comes up to me and tries to tell me what to wear, I’d retaliate. But if he threatens me with a gun, then I might think twice about saying anything. I’m not saying I see that happening, but with things being the way they are, it is a possibility. What then, Mackers?

      • Then, Pakistan se Zinda Bhag, instead of Pakistan Zindabad. I really doubt that it will though – we are still in the majority

  2. Agree with you and Mackers. Such attitudes are disturbing. Moral policing in Pakistan has no match anywhere in world. It is mixture of impoliteness, attitude and false sense of “holier than thou”. I guess next in line is someone walking to me at prayer time and “commanding” me to go to mosque or to some lady and telling her about Hallal/Haram forms of Burqa/Naqab/Hijab.

    • Supposing that happens (I sure hope it doesn’t) what will you do? And didn’t some law forbid the Beards to harass women? Or maybe that’s wishful thinking…Maybe it was about harassment of women in the workplace or something.

  3. I can only hope that the new generation of Pakistanis will live by logic and these beards will gradually fade into oblivion.

    • Unfortunately, a lot of the new generation of Pakistanis are brainwashed with the fear of an unforgiving god or worse and do not live by logic. I don’t think logical people are a majority here. I know it sounds hopeless but even if there are a few people who can use their brains, then maybe someday these beards will live and let live.

      • But how does a young generation get so affected by religious fears? What do you think is the reason behind this?

      • I have no idea. I never went down that road so it’s difficult for me to identify the cause. I guess they feel safer in that idealogy because it promises with great conviction a life beyond this one where everything is hunky dory. Or maybe its because most of them are impressionable and theres nothing more powerful than fear. Since they get a much loaded, much twisted version of religion laced with hypocrisy and contradictions, it messes them up and they have to stick to dogmas which restrict them from doing what seems bad. Apparently enjoying your life is bad. Pleasure (unless, its guilty) is bad. Lying, cheating and being a hypocrite isn’t. I don’t really get it myself. These are just observations. Sometimes I wonder how much of myself I have salvaged from what was programmed into me since I was a child. In school, especially. Most of my school friends had twisted notions of right and wrong, good and bad. And there was all this guilt and shame. They were the basis of every decision. It was disgusting, really.

      • Does it boil down to, perhaps, a mass of low-esteem people? I know, for myself, how guilt and shame made me irrational and stupid, still do at times. And that guilt and shame came from a lack of self-confidence, a sort of hatred for your own self.

        I’d like to say something – the ‘beard’, for all we know, didn’t even know what he was doing was wrong. Again, this comes from personal experience. I could’ve become somebody like him – I certainly was going in the direction – had some things/people not opened up my eyes a bit.

  4. ..thts just unbelievable!…i knew of these opinions that they voice so blatantly when appearances are discussed(i wonder why its such a hot topic!!)….but the fact that the man actually poked your dad and instructed him is just too much!!…..what all people do in the name of religion!!..preeching around!…

  5. Interference: Fucking up our lives since 1924.

  6. ..disgustipating!!:p 😀

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