I ended up going through my older blogs again. In light of what has been happening recently, revenge has been a hot topic in my mind. Considering that I found the following:
(Posted by yours truly on June 1st, 2005)
Some things just piss me off. I was reading an article called “10 serious beauty sins” and then it hit me. Somebody is always telling me what to do. And it pissed me off! They are trying to tell me that my experiments with “looks” might be bad – or simply sinful. Who died and made them the authority on anything? I’ll do whatever I please. And they have no right to decide for me. No way. I’m too pissed off anyway. Everywhere they throw fucked up shit like that in your face. So many people might be getting upset with the way they want to look because some no good shit is writing stupid junk like that.
In beauty as in life, sinful deeds get done. But unlike life, when we might act on a wicked impulse with the most atrocious results, beauty sins are much easier to correct. Here are 10 beauty sins, from the innocently bungling to the outright jarring. Think of them as gentle — and not so gentle — reminders of what not to do. Ever.
So? Who the fuck are you to tell me what not to do EVER. Its the tone. Its just so wrong. How dare they? I mean sure, its my problem that I read all that shit anyway but if they put it out there is it my fault? I’m sick of this shit. I’m sick of every fair and lovely advertisement in print and on TV. I’m sick of beauty products and hair products that claim to magically transform me into every man’s dream. Men are poo anyway – do I even want to be their dream? Maybe they mean wet dream. Who cares. I’m just so sick of it ALL! And everything on TV is about love and togetherness. Why can’t they just lay off. I want to watch death and destruction. I want to watch animals fighting. I want to stop watching TV and get a life. I want to sleep at night and do meaningful things in the day. I don’t want love and togetherness right now. I just want to stop feeling so bad.
Anyway, five years later, I can say that I don’t mind love and togetherness so much anymore. Though I just finished watching “Dear John” and unfortunately, it was a tear jerker which made me sniffle a little bit into a tissue. Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself.
On another note, I believe I might have taken revenge a bit too far but I’d rather not talk about it. Sometimes, I turn into a very bad person. Think incredible hulk, out of control with anger. Yeah, that’s me when I’m angry. Though instead of that awful green, I go from various shades of red to purple. I don’t like myself when I’m angry. I don’t like anybody when they’re angry either. Angry just turns into mean very easily. And by then it is usually too late.
Why am I reading everything I wrote five years ago? Its my new fixation. I am amazed at how much I have changed. One thing hasn’t changed and that is how angry I get. When I left, I cooled down somewhat. And since I got back, the anger has crept back into my life. Is it this country? This place? These people? I don’t think I can generalize. Maybe its the things that are happening around me. I don’t think I can blame anybody or anything but myself. I’m just losing control.