I believe in love. I think it’s just fine.
(Thank you, Dave Matthews, for changing my life with Crash into Me)
I realized today how talking about anything sexual freaks people out. I don’t think it’s sex that bothers them – it’s talking about it. I mean, they don’t mind making jokes about it, sending silly/funny texts with sexual content, implying that it exists…they just don’t want to talk about it like it’s real. Maybe if they talked about it then they’d stop having weird issues about it.
When will they get over the shame? I remember obsessing about shame a few years ago. I believe it might be conditioning that makes people feel this horrid shame when it comes to sex. It’s real and it’s normal and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. But that’s easier said than done (no pun intended). I have noticed how only the marriage contract somehow absolves people of the shame of sex itself. And even then they can’t talk about it normally. Without the damn contract it can’t even exist.
I was talking to my brother today and listening to his latest on his sexual escapades in the city of lights (he moved a few months ago) and all I could think of was how the lady in question was pushing her weird guilt on him. She is obviously confused about sex. She is obviously confused about why she is doing it at all. It bothers me. Why cause discomfort because you’re confused about something which is natural and normal and completely real? Its not cerebral, really. Its not rocket science. Its not intangible and hardly something you write a deep and meaningful treatise on. Its sex goddammit!
And then in class today…the poor kids are trying to express themselves. Being a mind-corruptor (in the words of some of my esteemed colleagues) I push them (gently, I hope) to face their physical reality. I am digressing somewhat from sex, but I feel this is connected somehow. They are painting bodies without feeling any connection to flesh. Is it the shame and guilt that keeps them from feeling the body as it is? It drives me mad sometimes. But then I can’t force them to see until they do. I can only nudge a little and see if they find their way to wherever they are going.