Dirty Little Girl

I believe in love. I think it’s just fine.

 (Thank you, Dave Matthews, for changing my life with Crash into Me)

Love Almost

I realized today how talking about anything sexual freaks people out. I don’t think it’s sex that bothers them – it’s talking about it. I mean, they don’t mind making jokes about it, sending silly/funny texts with sexual content, implying that it exists…they just don’t want to talk about it like it’s real. Maybe if they talked about it then they’d stop having weird issues about it.

When will they get over the shame? I remember obsessing about shame a few years ago. I believe it might be conditioning that makes people feel this horrid shame when it comes to sex. It’s real and it’s normal and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. But that’s easier said than done (no pun intended). I have noticed how only the marriage contract somehow absolves people of the shame of sex itself. And even then they can’t talk about it normally. Without the damn contract it can’t even exist.

I was talking to my brother today and listening to his latest on his sexual escapades in the city of lights (he moved a few months ago) and all I could think of was how the lady in question was pushing her weird guilt on him. She is obviously confused about sex. She is obviously confused about why she is doing it at all. It bothers me. Why cause discomfort because you’re confused about something which is natural and normal and completely real? Its not cerebral, really. Its not rocket science. Its not intangible and hardly something you write a deep and meaningful treatise on. Its sex goddammit!

And then in class today…the poor kids are trying to express themselves. Being a mind-corruptor (in the words of some of my esteemed colleagues) I push them (gently, I hope) to face their physical reality. I am digressing somewhat from sex, but I feel this is connected somehow. They are painting bodies without feeling any connection to flesh. Is it the shame and guilt that keeps them from feeling the body as it is? It drives me mad sometimes. But then I can’t force them to see until they do. I can only nudge a little and see if they find their way to wherever they are going.


4 responses to “Dirty Little Girl

  1. I can understand how people can be confused about sex in these times. Through television and other media people are conditioned in an unnatural way. In TV series and other media normal life situations are loaded with erotic suggestion. The suggestion of sexuality is being pushed so much in the media but at the same time we are being taught to be ashamed of our bodies and being nude in public is illegal. There seems to be no problem with violence, war and guns but seeing a human body as it is?
    As for sex, in my opinion sex can be great for sure, but it’s nothing special in itself. If there’s anything that can be called special in this world, it’s unconditional love.

    • You’re right. Unconditional love (though difficult to find) is truly special. But sex is also natural and important. Why can’t it be just that? Natural?

      I also agree that television and media have over-sexed normal life situations. They have also made a production out of people’s dirty laundry or so to speak. And it’s all very confusing.

      In a country where islamization is a nagging problem, it becomes even more confusing. Hordes of people believe that it is shameful and wrong somehow instead of just being private. Pre-marital sex is probably illegal here – though I’ve never bothered to find out exactly.

      I think I spent a lot of my life being confused about why anything was “wrong” or “shameful” so I think this post comes from years of struggling with ideas of personal freedom.

      Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it.

  2. OMG this is beautiful.. u made it ??
    what is the medium ?
    water colors??
    how can they give this fine look ? .damn im so bad at watercoloring.

    • Thanks! Yes, I made this myself.

      It’s not watercolor – it’s ink. I used Ecoline ink in this one. I’ve noticed it is more vibrant and the consistency is thicker than watercolor. I think they used this brand of ink for illustration before computers took over. I also used felt pens. And the paper was treated with a tea wash before I did anything on it.

      Maybe you should try it? Its more fun than watercolor.

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