On May 26th, 2005 I wrote the following:
- Nobody will tell me who I should be (oh when you’re head is on backwards, you believe all kinds of rubbish)
- I will have healthy fixations (not people but things)
- I will be busy often
- I will always have something to do
- I will rely on myself and not blame anyone (not even myself – and since my head will be on the right way I won’t have to)
- I will have a life
- I will have a future – a real one instead of some murky thing that doesn’t seem worth having
- I will not have sleepless nights for any other reason except work (or play)
- I will not be miserable
- I will not wait for him to call me
- I will not look behind me
- I will not look down and see my ass staring back at me (and so I will feel like less of an ass)
- Oh and I’ll have an army (of myself – which is kind of exciting)
And with my army (and all the other exciting things I have to look forward to) I will be alright (uh) and…and…then other uh things will happen (but I don’t know what they are yet).
Funny, how things change. Funny, how I barely remember who the him was. But what is very interesting is how I actually did manage all those things. So having a plan isn’t such a bad idea afterall. I remember I was shocked out of my mind by something that had happened to me. I went through life without knowing what was happening around me for six whole months. And then it all changed and here I am, five years later. And I have an army of myself.
I made this five years ago. Ask, and you shall receive. Worked for me.